[2015/03/21 22:52] Echo Somerset: quick question
[2015/03/21 22:52] Lolotehe Menoptra: quick answer
[2015/03/21 22:52] Lolotehe Menoptra: done and done!
[2015/03/21 22:53] Lolotehe Menoptra: line is open, copy
[2015/03/21 22:53] Echo Somerset: will you always be turning my set into at discussion of tampons? cause i got complaints in ims later
[2015/03/21 22:53] Lolotehe Menoptra: oh no! I'm so sorry
[2015/03/21 22:53] Echo Somerset: friends left in disgust
[2015/03/21 22:53] Echo Somerset: i thought you and i were friends
[2015/03/21 22:54] Lolotehe Menoptra: I am so sorry that happened. I had no idea
[2015/03/21 22:54] Echo Somerset: ok then.
[2015/03/21 22:54] Lolotehe Menoptra: oh, I wish you'd said something earlier
[2015/03/21 22:54] Echo Somerset: i tend to avoid confrontation
[2015/03/21 22:55] Echo Somerset: but this really bothered me
[2015/03/21 22:55] Lolotehe Menoptra: I'm sorry that happened.
[2015/03/21 22:55] Lolotehe Menoptra: you come to me with a problem, I'll do what I can to fix it
[2015/03/21 22:55] Echo Somerset: if it was unintentional that's cool. i just want us to work well together
[2015/03/21 22:55] Lolotehe Menoptra: of course!
[2015/03/21 22:56] Echo Somerset: we are on the same page then, im glad
[2015/03/21 22:56] Lolotehe Menoptra: well yeah
[2015/03/21 22:56] Lolotehe Menoptra: I think I got caught up with other folks and the subject turned there
[2015/03/21 22:57] Echo Somerset: it happens. lets just not go there again
[2015/03/21 22:57] Lolotehe Menoptra: let me know if we get near it. I'd rather know when it's happening that after the fact when its too late to change
[2015/03/21 22:57] Echo Somerset: will do
[2015/03/21 22:57] Lolotehe Menoptra: coo
[2015/03/21 22:57] Echo Somerset: ni ni lady lo
[2015/03/21 22:57] Lolotehe Menoptra: nighty



Echo,

I am really am sorry if there was a situation on Friday. This is exactly the kind of thing I've fought so hard to prevent.

Part of why I have the Spider av is I have to practice being a nice person. The spider is ankle-weights for my personality, as I have to be twice as nice, twice as witty, twice as approachable, to make up for a natural fear that many people experience when they see a giant spider. I work very hard to overcome a physical handicap that, yes, I have chosen for myself.

And this is part of why your IM on Saturday night upset me so much. You said you don't like confrontation, and I can appreciate that. I understand that fully. But, you saying that tells me I've failed in some regard. I don't want you or anyone else to fear me or my reactions to perfectly normal criticism. I really want you to let me know *when* you have a problem, *when* you are having the problem. That is when I am best able to make whatever adjustment is needed to make you—and others—not uncomfortable.

Please, please, please. Never be afraid to approach me. Let me know if my actions are upsetting. I can't fix things that happened 24+ hours in the past. I'm not going to flip out on you. Just let me know in IM if there is an issue and I'll do what I can to fix it.

I don't want you, or anyone else, to be afraid of me or my reactions. I know the av is scary at times, and that's part of why I do it. I need that to make myself work at being the best human being I can be. I cripple myself because I don't want any shortcuts. But, I need your help to be the best person I can be. I need you to let me know, /when/ there is a problem, /that/ there is a problem.

If I can't see these things on my own, I can only fall back on my friends to guide me. As a friend, I am asking for your guidance when I go astray. Please, let me know when I have crossed a line. I cannot see the boundaries from where I am.

When you IMed me about Friday night I was more confused than defensive. I really did not know that had been an issue for you and I read it as a huge failure on my part to not properly read the room. At the time, I did not think it was an issue, as I had not started the conversation and only added to it, e.g.: brand names, etc. Really, thinking on it, I wish I'd remembered to turn on logging and then we could look at it and you could show me exactly where the problem was. I keep getting the feeling that someone is gas-lighting you, or gas-lighting me by proxy.

Nonetheless, I am more confused than I am upset. I don't want to upset anyone (unintentionally) and so your complaint on Saturday night struck me a little on the side. I don’t' blame you! This is not a matter of blame at any point. I was just surprised and disappointed. I was mostly disappointed in myself.

I do not want you to ever be afraid to talk to me. This is first and foremost in my mind. Please, do not hesitate, ever, talk to me about my actions and how they may or may not make you uncomfortable. I cannot know until I'm told. I won't be offended. Trust me, I've heard worse.

I just want to make sure that my friends are able to speak freely to me. I do consider you a friend; and, with that, I trust you to be able to talk to me. I will listen. I'm here. Please, don't hide from me.

I swear, I don't bite.